One of the great things about living in France is that I feel my memory chip just got upgraded to handle those additional grammatical requirements in the French language. The most fun part is masculine and feminine of each noun.
To help myself get into the French mood, I start the day bright early (not in literary terms). After a nice hot shower to wake me up, I start running between the kitchen and my bedroom trying to get dressed and having breakfast at the same time.
I speak aloud to help myself remember: So, here is my bra, I put it on, it is masculine. I suppose French people just would like to think that everything that hold a woman’s breasts should be masculine. Then the string, it is masculine as well; but be careful if it is a panty, it is actually feminine, I suppose they have decided panties are not sexy enough to make a males worth while. Skirt, feminine of course.
Here I am in the kitchen, a bowl, masculine; spoon, feminine; cereal, not sure, I guess if the object is from modern day American culture, it is not worth defining its gender from French people’s view. I pour some milk, masculine; after a few spoon-full of cereal, I run back to the bedroom.
I find myself a nice silk shirt; alors, women’s shirts are masculine and men’s shirts are feminine, it is only logical this way.
I go back to the kitchen, finish the bowl of cereal and make myself a tea, masculine, even the honey I put in there is masculine. Honey can only and should always be masculine, of course!
I then go back to the bedroom… I will not bore you with more details, but this process obviously takes a bit longer than if I were to speak English.
Here I finished my breakfast and all dressed, all these nifty masculine and feminine objects on me, and I am ready to go out and confront the world full of other problems other than gender issues.
Yet I still spend my day wonder:
- Why would an orange be feminine and an orange juice be masculine?
- So when a Frenchman brings you flowers they are feminine and when a Italian brings you flowers they are masculine ?
- You sail at French coast, the sea is feminine, once you arrive in Italy, it is masculine? Not sure what will happen again as you approach Spain or Portugal. Some one, enlighten me please!
- Some words actually change sex when they go from singular forms to plural forms. (example in French: délice, orgue; in Italian, way too many) How does that take place? It is as if a boy, born as a boy and when he is older, he wants to be a woman. No, not that. A boy is a boy but when there are several, they all become women? What?! Whatever…
- Are there equal number of masculine and feminine objects in each Latin language to make sure each can find their loved ones? Did they take into account some might be homosexuals? And others might decide to marry other nationalities like Japanese and English of which gender does not exist?
